I fell in love with the man of my dreams 2 years ago.
In the throes of what researchers call the "passionate love" stage, I was pretty sure my boyfriend was too good for me--and was just glad he didn't seem to realize it. He was outspoken, cooked up a storm, and loved Jesus as much as I did. We couldn't have been happier. Over the next two years, we traveled back and forth to visit each other, made many new friends, as well as suffering through losses and hardships of life as it was thrown at us.
But--in like many relationships--the lovely "honeymoon" period had a shelf life. And today, although my fiance and I continue to share a strong and abiding affection and connection, I've come to realize that I've been doing something I never thought I'd do--take my fiance and relationship for granted. And I think a lot of people do the same.
This realization hit me in the head recently when our anniversary came and went. Matthew was down in Ocala working on a house project with his dad, and I was stuck at home cleaning. No, we didn't have any plans...but who's to say we weren't going to make any? I mentioned it to my fiance and he seemed nonplussed. Should I have been annoyed? I thought back to the first months of our relationship, how we enthusiastically participated in this widespread ritual of public devotion, surprising one another with special meals and trips and gifts. One weekend, he surprised me with flowers and a trip to Disney. Now I can't recall the last time we got to go on a date night together.
But now I think I was wrong. Somewhere along the way, that passionate kiss when my fiance saw me for the first time in a month morphed into a peck on the cheek or a quick side hug. I began to be much more sweet natured with my girlfriends than I was with my own fiance. Worst of all, I began to keep score, constantly calculating who had done what. "I came down this weekend, so it's your turn to come visit me next weekend!"
My aunt and uncle just celebrated 37years of marriage to each other. I asked if they still celebrated Valentine's Day, and much to my surprise, they said they did. My aunt said, "I think for us, Valentine's Day is just an extra day to say that we love each other more than ever and to take a breather from our crazy lives. With so much going on, we tend to forget that hey, we have a partner that we love."
She's right. We should all be celebrating Valentine's Day each year and every day in between. I sometimes think my fiance and I were starting to become so familiar with each other that we simply settled into a comfortable routine. And there's a real danger in that. Studies show that nearly half of men who have cheated say it was because of emotional dissatisfaction. When men don't feel connected to their spouses, they are vulnerable to the advances of any admiring woman who pays a bit of attention to them.
Woody Allen states, "A relationship is like a shark. It has to be constantly moving forward or it dies."
And that's why, on this day, I will remind myself what drew me to my fiance in the first place. In the months and years ahead, I will abandon predictability in favor of the same kinds of surprises we used to give each other when we first got together. And I will toss aside the computer and kiss him...alright...TMI.
The truth is, I still love my fiance--and I still get a charge out of my relationship--just as much, if not more, than I ever did. But complacency can be a potent force. My vow is not to let it overpower us.
