Be still. Be speechless.

Most of you know this, but my boyfriend, I call him Matt :), lives 3 hours away from me. Over the past 2 or so months, his family moved down here but Matt stayed up in Jax to work. I am taking care of his dog, Duke.

Isn't he cute??????

Yes, this is a boy dog with a bow in his hair. Matt will probably kill me for this, but all of my other dogs are girls so this was kind of expected. Duke doesn't mind...really! ;)

To make a long story short, Matt and I have gone through A LOT these past few months.
I will be completely honest- I am selfish. I want my boyfriend to live closer to me so that we can do normal couple things like, oh I don't know, go on dates, hug, kiss, all that fun stuff.
So when I voiced my oh so wonderful opinion, I was mad when Matt told me how he felt.

Not all of you know Matt's story. That's for him to share, but basically if it weren't for God's amazing grace, Matt wouldn't be the strong, godly, extremely sexy man that he is today. Okay, my opinion is biased maybe a little bit.

When I stood there crying, begging Matt to move down to be near me, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Christen, I have spent my whole life running away from God. I would move down to be with you in a heartbeat. But if I move down there and it's not what God wants for my life right now, I would be so unhappy and our relationship would fall apart. I can't run away from God and His plan anymore, babe."

Powerful stuff.  What a great guy, but I was mad. I stayed mad, I just didn't know it. Every time someone would bring up the whole "moving" issue, I would feel this bitterness creep its way up my stomach to my heart and even though I felt it, I didn't deal with it. I swallowed it, and smiled like everything was okay. Whenever someone brought it up, I would brush it off.
"Don't even get me started on that subject."
"I just don't want to talk about it right now."

I was supposed to keep Duke for these 2 months of transition. By now, Matt should have found out whether he is staying in Jacksonville or moving. And the controlling woman in me comes out every once in a while, and I start to nag...and when that doesn't work, I yell. Great method, right?

So last night I was on the phone with Matt. Even though he was beaten down from a long 14 hour work day, that didn't matter to me. All I wanted was to scream at him and tell him that he better make a decision quick because I was getting tired of waiting! But something told me to stay quiet.

So I did.

I got off the phone, and lost it. I crumpled to the ground and cried. I found myself mentally yelling at God, telling him everything that was going wrong.
"God, he should have had his answer from work by now! He's running out of time at the place he is living, and he doesn't have any money to get his own place...blah blah blah."

And then I realized something. God already knows what's going on.
Isaiah 6:1- " I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple."

I don't know about you, but I always picture God in a recliner with His feet kicked up, eating some popcorn. He's got this. 

I realized last night that I had it all wrong. I mean, it's not like while I was telling God all that's going on that He was like, "Oh my gosh I had NO IDEA that's what's been going on Christen! I am so sorry, I'll step in from now on...thanks for the update!" 

Really? I almost felt God roll His eyes while I sat there giving Him a news report on all the bad stuff going on. 

In the midst of my pity party, I heard it.

"Be still my daughter, I've got this, and I've got you. Be still and know that I am God." 

I don't know about you, but when God talks to me like that, instant peace and instant chills. 

All crying and yelling stopped, and peace flooded my senses. 

Psalm 46:10- "Be still and know that I am God"

This verse means everything to me, now more than ever. 

God was telling me that He is everything I need Him to be. He is my peace, my joy, and He is my Rock to trust when life just doesn't make sense. 

When I realized that last night, I let go of my bitterness. What a relief, I am free!! Does it threaten to surface again? Of course, but my faith rests on God's power, not on man's wisdom. My strength is not my own, because it will fail every time. 

What a relief to know that I don't have to do this alone. When I am tired and beat down, I can press in to God and He will fight for me. He will be strong for me. He will love me. 

Exodus 14: 14- The Lord will fight for you, you need only be silent.

"Be still, my daughter, and know that I am everything." 

I'll end this with words to a great, powerful song.

"Be Still"- Steven Curtis Chapman

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still, O restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of peace
Let the noise and clamor cease
Be still

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that he has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be still and know that he is God
Be still and know he is our Father
Come rest your head upon his breast
Listen to the rhythm of his unfailing heart of love

Be still. Be speechless.